No! No! NO!

This is Ben's new mantra. yay for me.

kids with Autism develop a little slower than others, so it turns out all the joyous things typical kids go through in their 2's & 3's are currently entering Ben's repertoire.  awesome.

A recent conversation:

mommy:  Do you want something to drink?
Ben: (screaming)  NOoooooooo!  Goodbye mama!  goodbye mama!
Mommy:   (grumbling) ok.  nothing to drink then.  (leaves the room)
Ben:  More milk?  Milk, mama?
Mommy:  (sigh) Ok.  Let's get some milk.  Grab a cup.
Ben:  NOOOOOOOO!  (crying and incoherent screaming)
Mommy:  WE can't drink the milk without a cup.
Ben:  NOOOOOO!
Mommy:  Ok then.  When you decide what you want, come and get me. (leaves the room)
Ben:  *sniffle* (rummages around in the "cup drawer", grabs a cup and the milk and walks out to the living room)  More milk, mama?

aaaaaaand Scene!

This conversation, happens more times a day than i can count--not all about milk, mind.  Just insert whatever it is he wants to do, and that's the Ben/Mommy interaction.   It's a good thing i know my lines.

NOOOOO!  am i allowed to scream too?

And before you offer unsolicited advice commiserate, let me tell you kind reader, that i have recognized that this is his "i wanna do it" phase, and i am very pleased we have hit it, because it means that he is continuing to grow and develop.  I just wish it came with some noise cancelling headphones and an extra liter of rum.

He has lately also taken to a little more violence--hitting and kicking and the occasional head-butt.  awesome. So, of course he's hearing NO!  from us a little more as well.

It made me think of the people to whom I'd like to scream no! :

• Anyone who sends us an envelope with the words "total due"
• the creepy bagger at Ralph's that just skeeves me out with his intense eye-contact
• Badwig McMantits down the street who hollers at people to slow down, even if you're driving the speed limit
• Sarah Jessica Parker
• the makers of Elephun and Play-doh  and any noisy fuckin' toy that doesn't have an off button!
• Weight Watchers
• Mommy & Me 
• and lastly, the jackass who didn't know where they were driving this morning on Camarillo and was going 20 miles and hour with 5 people behind her and sporadic stopping.

You know, I would feel immensely better if i could just shout NO! at people.  No wonder Ben does it.

Mama

I had to wait a while to hear that one.  And i'm not alone in that.  Some of my peers still haven't heard it.

I waited to have a kid.  And it turned out that kid has Autism. And while he is talking now, it took time, and work, and chocolate to make it happen.

And its not to say i hear "mama"  all the time.  It's still more of a label than an address.  "that's mama's drink" or "mama's in the kitchen"  but occasionally i get "mama, i need help!" (his favorite phrase lately--and btw, he usually doesn't need help, he just wants someone to do something for him)

But if you had asked me 10 years ago, i would have told you that i never planned or wanted to hear it.  I was gonna be this snarky old lady with a bunch of dogs and a bad attitude yellin' at kids to get off my lawn.

But i wasn't married to that idea--just figured nothing else was really possible.

And now im in charge of an Old Man, a dog and a kid and a daily load of laundry.  And while i may bitch about it, it ain't so bad.  Especially when a certain little hand reaches for mine, or demands "family hugs!"  It's not such a bad label--mama.  At least until he learns to whine it.

and i've still got time to yell at kids, even if i don't have a lawn...

LAUGH

I don't consider myself a comedian.  I was never the class clown.  In all honesty, i consider myself a fairly serious person. I mean, not Puritan, Cotton Mather kind-of serious, but i do find myself in moral contemplation from time to time.  And lots of the time i am angry too.  About the government and Autism and the prevelence of cabbage in my CSA haul.

But it turns out i make people laugh.  alot.  People actually want to hear the crazy shit rolling around in my head.  For some reason my wild ramblings end up being funny, even though i'm just ranting about one thing or another.  I mean, don't get me wrong, i'm not ready for stand-up or something, but I'm not sure i could write a purely serious piece.  Even in my teaching days, i was called upon by my prinicpal to represent the school at various meetings (as we were a "failing" school) to discuss the school's situation--with a little "levity".  That was MY job.

I suppose it's a good thing--levity does lighten the heart.  It can put people at ease and help them to accept their situation.  For an Autism mom, or just being politically liberal, i think it's a vital and daily necessity.  To know that it'll be ok.  Maybe not at this precise moment, but eventually he'll stop screaming at me and the world will go back to caring for one another.  maybe.

Until then...the man who makes me laugh MY ass off...

Kinship

I started blogging about a year ago, and it was the best decision i ever made.  Not only do i get to release the demons in my head to spread their malice and mischief upon the world, but I've also met some really great people.

And since i just spent an hour in an intake meeting for an ABA clinic, I've got the creativity of a rutabaga right now.  so imma just give a shout out to some of the other Autie bloggers  i stalk follow and a reason or 5 why you should too.

Big Daddy at Big Daddy Autism

     the first "funny" autie blog i cam across,  and really my gateway drug to the snarky world of hilarious autism parents i now call friends.  Always good to hear a daddy's perspective, and his son, Griffin sounds like the second most awesome kid around--after Benji, of course.

Lynn at  Autism Army Mom

     A funny lady who actually writes for other people and not just her blog.  I fell in love with her blog when she wrote a piece about the ugly trashy Xmas tree her town put up, and i knew she was one to follow.  That and she talks to me on Twitter.

Heather at The A Word

     An honest approach to autism parenting, and a sweet kid to boot.  There is no beating around the bush with this lady, and i love it!

Amanda at  Life is A Spectrum

   another of my "firsts" on the humor/autie blog trail.  She's got a great outlook on life and sounds like the nicest person you would ever meet.  And she laughs at herself, which is a certain ticket to sanity in my book

stark. raving. mad. mommy.

     I've just recently found SRMM, and love every word.  example, today's post is entitled Sometimes Autism Sucks Big Hairy Monkey Balls.  I mean, how do you NOT read that?  love love love!

And lastly, my long lost sister Jillsmo at Yeah.  Good Times.  This drunk stalker funny gal and threat to the local duck community seems to have the same internal dialogue as yours truly, except hers has a Grateful Dead soundtrack, and mine is more Dave Matthew's Band.  Still, we both cuss a lot and like booze, and often tell Autism to go to hell. And she lets people vent over on her page when they don't want their usual readers to know what they're really thinking.  We both represent the Westside i guess, and i think she'd have my back if i wanna start a gang war.

Now, there are no doubt others whom i have left off and who will no doubt feel hurt and dejected that i left them off the list.  Did i mention the hour of intake i just got back from?  These losers were lucky to get a mention before my brain exploded.  for everyone else, i point you to the side bar with the "autie blogs that i dig" on the left hand.  Yeah.  scroll down.  a little more.  just a skosh--THERE.  click on some of them too!

Jealous

O! beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.
~William Shakespeare, Othello


Yeah, i'll admit it.  I'm jealous.


The grass is always greener, yada yada yada.  But sometimes, looking at other parents at the park or the mall, i get a little green-eyed.


I see parents ask their kids questions--kids ben's age or younger, and the child will answer them.  with a coherent answer.  Answers to questions like, what do you want to be for Halloween, or what kind of birthday party do you want?


or, what did you do at school today?


I'm jealous of parents who can reason with their kids, argue and use psychology.  What?  you don't like green beans?  i hear Brobie likes green beans?  I guess i'll have to tell him you don't...


I'm jealous of parents whose kids are in soccer, t-ball, basketball, karate and dance.  That it is a non-issue for them to enroll them wherever and generally watch them have a good time.


I'm jealous of parents who can actually make plans and keep to them, and not have to make game-day decisions on a daily basis.




And then my kid will walk up to me, for no reason, and lean into me, and smile, and tell me "hugs make happy"


and i tell myself those other parents can go fuck themselves.  Because nothing is cuter than that, and their little cross-eyed freaks will never be this adorable. 
('cause i'm a little petty like that)


and i give him a hug, and we go outside to blow bubbles.


Eat it, jealousy.

Interests and Interactions

I’m a person of many interests—a renaissance person if you will.  I take a great interest in science and literature, the arts and the practical side of life.  I equally embrace technology and tradition.  But that is me—trying to find a hybrid life of the old and new.  It’s the middle path that gets the best traffic, I find.  I’ll give the Buddha that one.

So one day I may be reading Jane Eyre and creating linen sprays with my essential oils, after I teach my son the joys of rolling a ball about.  And the next day I’m letting a machine make my bread, while I use a vacuum cleaner to keep the dust bunnies at bay while my son watches U-tube domino videos.  I bore easily, so I’ve gotta have a myriad of things to keep my interest, else I get into mischief…

My son, on the other hand has single solitary interests.  There is no mixing, no hybrid, no crossover.  Trains.  Marble Machines.  Duplo.  Play-doh.  Blocks.  Dinosaurs.  I’ve tried on a number of occasions to mix toys, but with very little or violently opposed success.  No, mommy.  Dragons do not belong on the Thomas railroad.  That’s silly.  No!  Cars do not drive through the blocks. Play-doh is played with on the table only!  (ok, that last one is mine—but I hate finding that stuff all over—or worse, in the dog’s poop.)

One of the characteristics of Autism is being rigid.  Not physically, but in habit.  Routines followed to the letter.  Without question.

Now, there was a time my boy didn’t really know how to play, and he’s come a long way in using his imagination and playing with stuff “appropriately”—first time the therapist used that word, I thought she was crazy.  Seriously—the science behind play is mind-boggling. 

Now he has little conversations with his little people or Thomas—sometimes scripted, sometimes not.  Or I hear scene descriptions going on during a car chase.  And sometimes, SOMETIMES, I see different toys interacting.  That dragon eventually caused a derailment on the Sodor Railroad, and the phrase “oh the carnage!” (which he picked up from daddy). 

Small steps.  Teeny tiny baby steps.  And the next thing you know there will be marble machines built over the railroad that is controlled by dinosaurs and robots.  But no Play doh!

Blog Gems--parenting

This blog gem is about parenting and our adventures... so here's a lil sumsum about my feelings about being a parent of an early bird, and how Louis CK is my hero.