Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hater Humpday

so i ve' noticed a few bloggers having their special days where they post special stuff--pictures, or the like--on the same day each week.  And i thought--what kind of thing would i want to post weekly?

ANd then i was watching Tosh and a hate video came on and i realized--i LOVE to hate.  If hating could be a career, i might be in upper management.  Not CEO quality, mind, but there's a corner office with my name on it.

SO i hereby dedicate all Wednesdays to hating.  I shall endeavor to list five things i hate, with or without possible explanations.  I suppose some things will be naturally understood.

Hater Humpday #1


1.  People who do NOT look around and just make a left across your lane of traffic because their need for a Fat Burger is more important than the body of their car or mine.  Or better yet--the people who KNOW you're there, STILL do it, and then give a little wave without lookin' at ya as if you understood by royal decree that you must stop so that they could turn.  I hope you choke on your french fries and that the guy behind the counter spit in your shake.  douchebag.

2.  chainsaws. It's brush clearing season.

3.   crinkly wrappers at the movies.  You'd think by now SOMEONE would create some sort of silent cloth or box for all the confectionary goodies you shouldn't be eating in the first place.  I mean, yeah--they turned their phones off, and quit talking about their latest bikini wax, but that plastic wrap on a box of redvines will cancel out any explosion on screen--and the makers know it.

4.  People who simply CANNOT accept that Obama may have actually done something right, and can't give a brother credit, but will give credit to that asshat who was there before him--the same asshat they refuse to blame for the economic crisis, but are quite content to place that at Obama's doorstep.  Yeah, i'm talkin to you Sarah Palin.  Yes, our troops deserve all accolades, as does their COMMANDER IN CHIEF.  Assenheimers.

5.  The godawful amount of paperwork required to do ANYTHING in this state.  I may have an entire blog post about this later--but if i have to answer how old my kid was when he crawled, or whether or not I smoked crack or  was abducted by aliens while i was pregnant, i might just jump across a desk and hurt someone.

That's all for today.  Join us next week when i take on LA hipsters and people who hate on the homeless.