Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Day 19

Day 19 - A picture of a habit you wish you didn't have.

It tasks me. It tasks me, and I shall have it.

Yes, I'm talking about my love for baked goods. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have rationalized to myself that I should just start smoking again so that I will stop shoving cookies down my throat. That's how bad this has gotten. I have come to dread birthdays and similar celebrations, because inevitably, it means CAKE.

I can't even have it in the house. That includes soft cookies, cupcakes, muffins or any kind of quick bread. Unless I make some sort of bran/blueberry/zucchini bread--then it holds no interest (and rightly so, am I right?). But bring in a moist, white, heavily iced confection, and I cannot stop thinking about it until it is in my belly.

I can have chocolate, or store bought cookies, or candy in the house, and it will last moderately well. But I have been known, and I'm not lying, to plow through half a cake (granted I was younger, and had a higher metabolism, but still). When I go to my WW meetings and we discuss, "I still feel hungry after I eat______" my first response is always cake. And then Chinese food. Seriously, that stuff never fills me up.

I thought I would be saved for a moment when we went GF for Ben. But that proved to be ineffective, and possibly a little harmful (he has improved TREMENDOUSLY since we put him back ON gluten) Because, frankly GF cake blows. And it could sit on that counter, taunting me all it wanted. It was like brown weed, man. It was there in a pinch, but you REALLY had to want it.

At present, no baked goods reside in the house--well, except for some Vitamuffins in the freezer-- they are a poor substitute, but suffice in a cake emergency. And no one in this house is having a birthday until September. Not that THAT will keep cake out. It's like horse. And all the bakers in the area are pushers--displaying their wares temptingly, entreating that one little try isn't going to hurt. Oh, I'm onto you, you white-jacketed-sugar-traffickers.

So, for now, I will fight my addiction to frosting, and the moist sugary vehicle that carries it. I'm shaky, but not too bad if I'm not around it. But G-d help me when birthday party season starts. G-d help us all...